CATHOLIC CULTURE WARRIORS UNITE & POWER UP!! I'M ASHAMED OF CONDOM-USERS SINCE I KNOW SEX IS ONLY FOR PROCREATION NOT PLEASURE!!

While I'm Catholic and accept to accede with my Church's accusatory of condoms as bearing control--because condoms actualize a amiss barrier adjoin the agent agriculture the egg, as anybody knows sex should be about procreation, not pleasure!--even I couldn't canyon up the arresting accord Durex offers in this array backpack by the CondomMan!!!! When I go out on the boondocks "sarging" with all my advanced PUA (that's analeptic artist) friends, we all like to feel advance that Durex has got our aggregate back, attention us from exceptionable pregnancies women could use to allurement us. For clarification, I accompaniment I'm appropriately affiliated and alone accompany my advanced PUA friends--oh, all right, added like acquaintances from the account area (fast-food workers, etc.)--when they go out "sarging" for moral support.

When my advanced accompany are shallowly acute to aces up women in reeking, apathetic confined and clubs, at atomic they can accept abundant allotment of apperception by alive Durex fanatically tests their condoms electronically to agreement no tearing. That way, all my advanced PUA accompany can use analeptic curve on girls; dispense them into cerebration they absolutely like them; and again assuredly "get some" at the end of the night afterwards annoying about that little affair alleged abundance (which would ache my lib PUA friends' style!), back they attending at babies as the exceptionable "side-effect" of sex.

I, on the added hand, am boilerplate abreast as "cool" or "happening" as my swinging, player, lib friends, so I aloof use these Durex condoms in a actual bourgeois appearance with my wife, at home. I charge acknowledge anniversary time I blooper one of these bad boys on--Durex allows me to accept from Extra Sensitive, Performax, Maximum Love, and Intense Sensation!--I'm captivated with affliction of answerability that my Catholicism imposes. Unobservant or apprenticed atheists may not be acquainted the Catholic Church frowns on condom usage, instead asserting sex should be carefully for authoritative kids.

While I aboveboard accede with this Catholic teaching, I acquisition that me and the missus, like best Catholic couples, aboveboard avoid this adage because as the, ahem, kids like to say, "The spirit is willing, but the beef is weak. So, I acquisition myself putting on one of these bad boys to ensure the adult doesn't leave me...though not adage our alliance is abundantly based on sex, you see.
Still, conceivably God reminded me I should stop application condoms for gluttonous purposes because aloof aftermost night, me and my wife accomplished a condom-ripping alarm with these actual Durex condoms which are trickily advertised as "reliable!!!!" While accompanying surrendering to our animal desires all over anniversary other's bodies, I started to feel a little bit funny "down there." So afterwards a quick pullout, I was abashed to ascertain that the Intense Sensation blazon had absolutely torn; I was not acquainted that the "intense sensation" was due to the absence of a condom. Afterwards some finger-pointing, man-blaming and worries about an adventitious pregnancy--like all those unwed, boyhood mothers'--my wife took a abundance analysis and apparent she wasn't pregnant.

In conclusion, I've to say I abstruse my lesson: from now on, I'll alone accept sex for coition to chase Catholic teaching to the tee. The actual rubbers I had larboard over from my Durex backpack I gave to all my happening, lib, PUA accompany to use as they actively go from bar to bar, acquisitive to ambush women into putting out quickly.

Tags: Condom